Wardrobe malfunction
by The Cowardly Christian
Summary: Big AU! What if there were worse things then Akuma? What if the 'reset button' wouldn't work? What if people died? What if certain aspects of their costumes were taken to a hilarious degree?
1. Chapter 1

**Wardrobe malfunction**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...

M **any centuries ago, magic jewels bestowing extraordinary powers were created. These were... the Miraculous. Throughout history, heroes have used these jewels for the good of the human race. Two of these Miraculous are more powerful than the others; the earrings of-**

 **"BLAH! BLAH! LIKE WE HAVEN'T HEARD THIS A THOUSAND TIMES BEFORE! Let's REALLY derail things!"**

The ancient, twisted entity stalked toward Master Fu's Dojo...while ha and Wayzz talked...he slipped by unseen and added a little something, something to the oh-so-precious Miraculous...as well as took something away...

The dark entity turns to the readers, **"Right, you've all seen the 'origin episode'. So let's skip most of it to what I want! You don't like? Frak you!"** He lifts up a remote, presses FF...and the world speeds up-

...episode 1 skipped to the end...

Marinette was ecstatic! She'd done it! She'd beaten a monster! She was a hero!" She leapt back into her room just as her 'Ladybug outfit' clocked out, turning back into Tikki.

"I did it, Tikki!" Shouted Marinette happily. Tikki smiled as she turned to face her, "You see? You were- NAKED!?" She shouted embarrassed.

Marinette, confused. looked down and gasped in shock, she was naked!

She covered herself, "WHAT JUST HAPPENED!?"

...Meanwhile...

"Yikes, well that's more of you than I needed to see." Said a horrified Plagg. Adrien glared as he covered himself with a discarded trash lid, "Will you shut up and help me home before someone sees me!?" He snaps as he tires to climb back into his room...

...Meanwhile...

And let's not forget Dear Stoneheart practicing his multiplication tables...

...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.**  
 **But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	2. Chapter 2

**Wardrobe Malfunction**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...

 **ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.**

...

Plagg kept his disgusted eyes away as Adrien snuck inside and got clothes on, Despite the situation he can't help but comment, "Huh...I guess the girls are wrong...you aren't perfect. I could see proof-positive of that!" He chuckles.

Adrien flusters, "Just for that, no cheese!"

"Aw, man!"

...

Tiki just shook her head, "This makes no sense! Your clothes are stored within the miraculous and returned to you afterward! It's been like that since it's first creation! ...this must've just been a fluke, it has to be!"

Marinette sighed, "I certainly hope so." She states as she watches the news talk more of the now numerous Stoneheart's that now dotted Paris...

 **...later...**

Slenderman smirked, " **Que Stoneheart coming back to life...and here we go!"**

...

Marinette was suddenly filled with determination! True her confidence as a hero was shaken due to her blunder last time..also she didn't want to end up naked again...but seeing Alya in trouble caused her to spring to action!

She transformed once more, and used her super-yo-yo to free her friend from the trap...

 **"Okay, confidence restored. Origin story almost complete. Yada, Yada. Let's move on to the good part already!"** Shouted Slenderman as he fast-forwarded reality.

...

"I demand my daughters safe return!" Shouted the mayor of Paris. "Daddy!" Shouted Chloe. "You know what?! You can have her!" Shouted Stoneheart.

Chloe screamed as she was thrown from the tower, "GAH! PLEASE! SAVE ME! I PROMISE TO BE NICE TO EVERYONE!"

 **"Liar, I think it's time for a rewrite..."**

Ladybug ran at crazy speed, sh needed to catch Chloe, she-

 **"whoops, clumsy me."** Said an invisible and unheard Slenderman as he tripped Ladybug.

Surprised, Ladybug feel over...just in time to see Chloe go-

 **CRACK!**

 **GAH! MY ARM!  
**

Slenderman glared, **"What the!? She was supposed to go-** He then slapped his forehead, **"Dang it! I forget to turn off this universes 'kid-friendly physics'...oh, well Chloe...you survive today...barely. But soon...you'll wish you hadn't."** Says the malevolent entity as he tears off the 'kid friendly physics' switch so hard, pluto gets destroyed.

...

"No more evil doing for you little Akuma." Says Ladybug as she captures the butterfly, and waits for the wave of ladybugs that Tikki said would restore all damage caused...and waited...and waited...

A single ladybug repairs the crumpled note of Ivan's to allow Kim to see it...but that's it...

 _"What's going on...why isn't it working?! Paris is in shambles, and Ivan might be back to normal but the other stoneheart's are still transformed and running crazy...did I do something wrong?"_

However, she didn't have time to think more on this...her miraculous was about to time out!

Quickly she jumped through the air, swinging on her yo-yo...if she could just...

 **POOF!**

 **SPLASH!**

 **SPLASH!**

Suddenly it became VERY clear that Tiki was wrong and her not having clothes was most definitely NOT a fluke!

A freezing cold Marinette tried not to drown in the Seine river, _"Oh, no! Not again! I can't let anyone see me! I would never- Wait, why were there TWO splashes?"_

Marienette turned around...just in time to see-

"ADRIEN!?" Shouts a flustered Marienette.

"MARINETTE!?" Shouts an equally flustered Adrian.

Both teens panicked, then realized that neither could see anything below the water...so they tried to play it cool...

Marienette chuckled nervously, "Soooo...you lie to swim in your BATHING SUITE in the river too, huh? Which I'm also wearing as well!" She asked/shouted/panicked awkwardly.

"Wha- Oh, yeah! Totally! I'm totally wearing- uh, doing that!" Said the equally awkward Adrien...

There was a long awkward pause... "we'll see yah!" Shouted Marinette as she quickly swam off. "Yeah, you too!" Shouted Adrien as he did so in the opposite direction...

...

"Tiki, what's happening? Why was I still naked? And why didn't the miraculous fix everything?"

Tiki was baffled, "I- I don't know! This has never happened before! I-

They were interrupted by the television spewing a breaking news story.

"These so called, 'hero's'...are anything but!" Shouted the mayor. "WHAT!?" Shouted both hero's at the same time.

"Thanks to them, are city is in ruins, those stone monsters are still running amuck, and worse my daughter broke her arm!"

The screen switched over to Chloe with an arm in a cast, "I BLAME LADYBUG FOR THIS! And if you don't catch her and that stupid friend of her's I'll never forgive you daddy!"

The mayor whimpered, "Yes! Of course, anything for you darling!"

Both hero's groaned...their lives just got more complicated...

"Hey, Maybe if you flash Chloe your 'little' friend, she'll feel sorry for you and let you off the hook!" Teased Plagg...who immediately found himself hit by a pillow...

...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.**  
 **But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	3. Chapter 3

**Clothing malfunction**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...

 **ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.**

...

Slenderman looked at the 'Paper-thin disguise success' switch of the universe...of he switched this off, just about everyone would be able to see through those two's 'disguises'...

 **"Hmmm...should I...or shouldn't I"?** Slenderman thought deeply on this...then shrugged and walked away. **"Eh, I'll save it for Season 2, don't want to make things TOO difficult for them right off the bat..."**

He then teleports to Paris and assumes the form of a bum.

 **"In the mean time, I believe it's time to make my grand debut!"** He then allows a samll percentage of his essence to be sensed by Hawkmoth...

...

GAH! THE HORROR! IT'S TOO MUCH! TOO MUCH NEGATIVE! SOME ONE KILL ME NOW!" Screams the traumatized Hawk Moth as he impales himself through the heart...

Slenderman face-palms, **"Oh, for the love of...(takes a deep breath) okay, Plan B."** He resurrects Hawkmoth, erases his short term memory and implants false memory of a 'bum' getting Akumitized...

...

"Isn't there ANYTHING you can do about the transformation!?" Pleaded Marrianette to Tiki, while Adrein did the same to plagg miles away at his own house...

Both Kwami didn't know what to say, they'd secretly sent a message to master Fu about the problem...but he hadn't responded yet...

 **BOOM!**

Both teens heard the noise and ran outside to see...a crazy faceless man in a business suite surfing on a tsunami of flames across the roads!?

Both reluctant hero's sighed, but resolved to sim ply be faster of beating the threat before their suites timed out...

And so they transformed...

 **GAH!**

They both shouted, their boots, gloves, belts(tail and ears in Cat Noir's case) and masks were formed...but other then that they were completely naked!

Frantically they tried to cover themselves with other things...but it all got turned to light and sucked into their miraculous!

They then briefly wondered if they could just give this crisis a miss...

The screams of innocent bystanderd's getting burnt to a crisp was all the answer they needed. So they swallowed their pride and jumped to the rescue...and great torment(but not for the reasons you'd think!)...

...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.**  
 **But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	4. Chapter 4

**Wardrobe malfunction**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...III...

 **ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.**

...III...

 **AN: this story is a reward to Zim'sMostLoyalServant**

...

It has been said that to be a hero is a noble cause worthy of great admiration and respect-

 **HUBA! HUBA!**

 **THAT GIRL HAS MORE JUNK IN THE TRUNK THEN MY PICKUP!**

 **SHE'S GOT AN ENDOWMENT BIGGER THEN HARVARD'S!**

 **HEY SWEETIE! LOOKING FOR A GOOD TIME!?**

 **SICKO! THERE ARE CHILDREN HERE!**

...those people clearly never had to deal with a wardrobe malfunction.

A mortified Ladybug was forced to swing naked through the streets toward the calamity. All the while thousands gawked, laughed, wolf-whistled, or took pictures.

 _"This is humiliating and degrading...but at least no one know's who I am because of mask! That's something...isn't it?"_ Thinks Ladybug.

...

Oddly enough, Ladybug was a bit better off...at least compared to Cat Noire anyway...

 **HA! HA! IS KITTY FEELING COLD?**

 **LOOKS LIKE THE POOR CAT'S BEEN NEUTERED!**

 **MY NEWBORN BROTHER IS BIGGER THEN THAT!**

 _"Well, this is a blow to my ego."_ Thinks Cat Noire embarrassed as he jumps naked through the rooftops...

...

...and just like that, the jovial air ended...

Under different more comical circumstances...Cat Noire might have gone 'stiff' from seeing his 'bugaboo' nude, Ladybug would have probably teased both for that and that fact his 'stiffie' didn't really add much to his 'girth'.

...but they were too busy crying and vomiting...the streets were paved with gold..and the corpses of all the citizens that had been crushed to death by it...

Slenderman, ripped off the head of a corpse, "What do you think? Too much?" He asked the severed head, the severed head came to life. "Oh, perhaps just a tad."

He saw the two of them on their knees sobbing...and clearly in no state to fight...

"Okay; note to self: dial back gore and blood...for now..." He sighs, "Well the hero's are in no state to give me a good fight...how boring, I guess I'll come back latter..."

"What are you doing!? Grab their miraculous!" Shouted Hawkmoth.

Slenderman responded by snapping his finger and causing Hawkmoth great pain. Slendrman then vanishes.

He sits in his realm of chaos and suffering and thinks, "Okay...clearly I need to desensitize them first, and gradually...but how?" He munche's the entrails of a nun as he looks through the classifieds...

...

Later that day he would hand in an application for a new job...

…III...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.**  
 **But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	5. Chapter 5

**Wardrobe malfunction**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...III...

 **HAPPY BIRTHDAY** **Zim'sMostLoyalServant!**

...

 **ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.**

...III...

Despite the bad timing, Marianette was secretly a bit glad that the miraculous timed out before she got home, as **embarrassing** as it was to be naked in the middle of Paris...such a MUNDANE problem was perfect to get her mind off- (shudder) -what she'd just witnessed-

 **SPLAT!**

-Although she could've lived without falling from the sky into a dumpster...

...

Adrien groaned, he frantically looked back and forth from behind the corner of the alley, he had to get home before someone saw him!

""Maybe you could tape some fake hair, there? ...it would look disgusting but at least people won't see your 'toothpick.'" Teased Plagg.

Adrien groaned, "Plagg make yourself useful and scout ahead. make sure no one will come round when I jump to the next Alley."

Plagg shrugged and did just that...he gives the signal when the coast is clear. Adrien nods and quickly runs-

 **VROOM!**

Only for a drunk moped driver to veer out of nowhere and nearly run into him! Adrien dodges it barely-

 **BANG!**

but a misstep causes him to fall down some outdoor stairs and into a-

 **SPLAT!**

...giant cake?

Adrian groaned as he pulled himself out...covered with cake but still clearly naked...in front of a whole bunch of old ladies playing bingo...to win the cake he just ruined...

 **PERVERT!**

...And here come the stones...

...

Marienette clung to the cardboard box she was wearing for dear life as she ran through the alley's. Eye's darting back and forth to make sure no one saw her. If she could just go make it one more block-

And then she saw a bunch of people head her way, quickly remembering that videogame she played she **hunkered** down in the box and hide within.

Good news: far as the people were concerned she was another giant discarded box.

Bad news: Marienette had apparently hunkered down near a bus stop, and apparently they were ALL just waiting around her box until the bus came...

Marienette quickly whispered to tiki to cause a distraction, if she could just have ONE free moment-

 **SPLASH!**

-And there went a car, splashing water all over them as it blew by...disintigrating the cardboard completely...everyone stared at the naked girl **suddenly** in the middle of them-

 **PERVERT!**

...and here come the attack dogs...

...

Adrien panted as he FINALLY got away... "At least they stopped throwing stones..." He bemoaned just as another stone whacked him in the head. Fortunately, the cake concealed his face so no one would know who he was...but the description of a 'pretty boy' with a 'teeny weeny' would forever stain his ego...

He tries to shake his head of such things and climb into his window, he had a LONG shower to ta-

 **SLAM!**

Adrien's eye's widened, the window had suddenly slipped down...and crushed his nuts before he could get in fully...his scream of pain could be heard for miles...

...

Marienette frantically ran, dogs nipping at her...she was almost to her house! She'd covered her face with the last usable piece of cardboard so she wouldn't be recognized...but having half of Paris see her naked body was embarrassing!

She quickly jumped onto her fire escape and quickly shimmied up, she just had to time it-

 **CHOMP!**

The dogs bite her rear and refused to let go...Marienette could do nothing but scream in pain...

...

 **"If they thing that's painful...wait till tomorrow..."**

 **"May all our stories end so well, until next time!**

…III...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.**  
 **But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	6. Chapter 6

**Wardrobe malfunction**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...III...

 **ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.**

 **AN: this story is a reward to Zim'sMostLoyalServant**

...III...

It was an exhausted and battered Marienette and Adrien that came to school the next day. They tried very hard to ignore all the naked pictures of them being passed around...the lewd comments...Chloe angrily decrying the two as villains...

Needless to say...the day wasn't starting out great...

 **RING!**

And it was about to get worse...

Both of the hero's looked at their phones and each saw the same text: **Don't raise a fuss, it won't help. No one can see my true self except you and your chum.**

Neither knew what to make of it...until the door opened.

"Hello, class! I'll be your substitute for the time being!" Both of the adolescent heroes gaped, in horror...it was the Akuma from yesterday! And yet...much to their confusion...no one else was panicking? They just gave him the dull attention they'd give any other strange adult.

Then they saw the Akuma's reflection! It was of a boringly normal middle-aged man? It's then they realized this must be what everyone else saw! Only they could see the truth! Not knowing what else, to do and trying to keep from panicking. They cursed themselves for not bringing their miraculous with them! They decided to watch and see where this was going...

Alya raised her hand, "Uh, what happened to our normal teacher?" She asked.

The akuma shrugged, "Well, I don't know all the details...but apparently, 'he needed to catch a train'." He said while discretely snapping his fingers.

Suddenly both Adrein and Marienette saw a nearby mirror ripple, showing a vision of their normal teacher strapped to the cow catcher of a moving train, screaming his head off...

Both teens were visibly shaking now, they could do nothing but stand their helpless...and watch events unfold...

...

The two hero's were constantly on edge throughout the whole lesson...but the Akuma didn't do anything but teach a normal lesson...which only made them MORE tense! FINALLY, the bell was about to ring-

"Remember class! do a report on pages 360 through 370!" Exclaims the Akuma.

Alya frowns... "Uh...sir? Our text books only go to 350..."

"So?"

"...you just said pages 360 through 370..."

"And your point is?"

"Uh...how are we supposed to do a report on pages that don't exist?

"Good question! Good thing I'm a teacher and an adult and I don't have to explain frack to you morons! Give me the report by next week or you all get F's!"

Everyone gaped in disbelief. "Hey, you can't talk to me like that!" Shouted Chloe

Suddenly the 'akuma' was in front of her, his hands on her shoulders squeezing them, "Oh- (takes a long Deep breath) -Don't worry my dear- (takes a long Deep breath) -after all you- (takes a long Deep breath) -are- (takes a long Deep breath) -my- (takes a long Deep breath) -#1- (takes a long Deep breath) -Student!"

Chloe suddenly looked very freaked out, "Uh...good to know." She said fairly uncomfortable.

Nino immediately got up, "Hey come on, this is crazy-

"OH YEAH!? WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT!?" Snapped the akuma as he suddenly came right to his face. He discretely snaps his fingers, suddenly the heroe's find they have their miraculous again! "AGAIN! WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT!?" Both hero's claps their miraculous...but there's nothing they can do...there are too many witnesses. Nino gulped...and sat down...

"Yeah, I thought not..." Said the akuma sharply, then the bell ring.

As they left he discretly handed Adrein and Marienette something. "Here's the grade for your tests."

"Wha? But we didn't do a test to-

And like that 'he' was gone...

Both Marienette and Adrien privately read the 'score'...and were stunned!

 **\- Failure to protect fellow classmates from threat!**

 **\- Failure to stand up to threat when a classmate is imperiled**

 **\- Failure to think creatively to get out of a difficult situation**

 **\- skewed priorities**

 **\- implied doormatisim**

 **\+ Did not protect Chloe(Nice, I'll bump your grade up 2 bits just for that!)**

 **Overall grade: C-**

Needless to say...neither knew what to make of this...

 **P.s. Don't worry, I have an extra credit assignment! I'm going to go on a rampage near the Eiffel tower in five minutes, don't worry I'll reign it in this time! Keeping it PG-13!**

The two hero's spring to action...they wince as their regular clothes are destroyed by the transformation...but thankfully, their Miraculous clothes are intact this time!

They pause only to stop a stoneheart from eating a car- Yep, those things were still roaming about and causing trouble -before heading out to their next scuffle.

...

The Eiffel tower was aflame! Slenderman smiled, **"Okay kids, time for ANOTHER lesson!"** He laughs as he waits for the would-be heroes...

...III…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: Want me to continue this? I'm willing to take Bribes! Go to my P,a,t,r,e,o,n account!**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


End file.
